Do you know what I dislike intensely? The feeling of not being wanted any more. It's popping up in my life at the moment, sadly with some people I love most. I've been hesitant to even admit it to myself, because just the thought of it breaks my heart just a little. What a sop I am.
It's that whole feeling of not being included. It's like, when you stop being invited to things, or are clearly invited out of politeness. Or the day you feel like they're no longer interested in your life, and that you sharing what you're up to is actually boring them to death.
How can this all change so quickly? How can you go from being the most important person in someone's life, to being thought of as weird simply for calling to say hi? When did the 'I love you, see you tomorrow' turn into 'I'll catch you around'? I don't know if this has been going on for a while and I've just been in denial, or if it really has only changed recently.
I am writing from the heart here, because, let it be known, I am a little distressed over this. Normally I'd make an effort to make a post eloquent and possibly even witty, but I really don't have the strength today. My spirit is a little broken. I guess there's the age-old feeling of rejection, mixed in with some WTF IS GOING ON HERE? Add a dollop of, when did life get so confusing and wrong feeling, and I think that about sums me up.
There is nothing more to add tonight, not really. Just a wish that things would work out, and for the best. It just doesn't look like it will at the moment.
(thanks to firenzegold for the image)