So, I am astounded at how much human's make up. Yep, make up. You know, make-believe, play pretend, etc. I watch people do it all the time, yet when it comes to the crunch, I don't even notice myself doing it. All of the things I waffled about in the last few days (posts); those feelings were real. I'm sure you can make up feelings, but what I felt was real. I did feel rejected, lonely, at a loss of what to do, and whatever else was there. But how did I arise at those feelings?
A curious idea to delve into, given people have been discussing this for years. And, just as a warning, I might introduce some abstract concepts here. Basically, the reason I was feeling hurt and dejected like I was, was my own fault. Purely. I have none to blame for my misery but myself. I interpreted a whole series of words and actions in a way that made me believe that I was about to get dumped. Of course, on the other side it is obvious, knowing now that was far from happening.
My brain is in possession of a rather stupid and very annoying idea called 'I'm not wanted, everybody is going to leave me'. It completely rules my life. And sometimes I forget. When I forget, I go crazy. That is, I drive myself crazy. So someone didn't call me during one day. In reality, so what? That's actually a normal occurrence. Only my sweet little idea steps in and shouts 'He doesn't want you anymore!!!! Quick, to Plan B!' Once it's nestled it's little claws into my mind, there's no going back. Everything gets seen as more evidence of the above idea, and so we move on to Plan C, D, E, etc.
The key point to this theory is that everyone does it. So while I was sitting in a cafe, thinking that the person sitting opposite me was completely uninterested in my story, and therefore (thanks to my little idea) that the person did not want to be with me anymore, said person was actually on another wavelength completely. This person was in fact so concerned about his finances (which were in something of a dire situation) that he could barely remember to drink his coffee, let alone acknowledge whatever I was talking about.
It goes on from there, only getting worse; every situation or side-long glance becoming insurmountable evidence for my charming idea. Whether it was that I didn't get invited to that something I didn't actually want to go to anyway, or simply 'he looked at me funny' (which in itself is an obvious case of perception deception), it's all downhill.
Luckily for me, said person understands this concept, and between the two of us we manage to bring each other back down to earth and a sense of reality. If it can ever be called that. At least we get each other out of our own head games. Then I can look back, see how it all unfolded, and even laugh at the absurdity.
I, for one, am glad that I have this view. I have, obviously, just made it all up. But do you know what? It works for me, and it doesn't hurt anybody, so I'm going to stick with it.
(thanks lalaland and opticalillusions for the images)